Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
