He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
