I love black thongs
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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