Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
