coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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