Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
