i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
