I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
