And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
