he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
