For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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