dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
