So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
