dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
