my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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