I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
