Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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