Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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