In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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