Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
