I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
