dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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