break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
