I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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