I think my vagina is haunted
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
why is half of my head shaved?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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