My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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