You made me cry and you don't even care
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
