Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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