ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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