i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your cock deserves a montage
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
