so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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