I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
