Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
