I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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