you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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