He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
