I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
