He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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