I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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