Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
