She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize