My room smells like vodka and shame
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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