Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize