like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
