Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
