totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
