bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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