he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
