i think i have two assholes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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