she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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