She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
