I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
