my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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