wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
