In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
