Kiss
Puke
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
