Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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