I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
