wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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