Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
