but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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