I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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