Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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