so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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