That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
