My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
why is half of my head shaved?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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