Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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