i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
