wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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