everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You are a genius and a whore.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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