the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
