Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
