Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
