just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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