C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
