My room smells like vodka and shame
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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