Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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