I got chris browned last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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