just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
