things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
