oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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