My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
