She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
