Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
